The Modern Loss Handbook: An Interactive Guide to Moving Through Grief and Building Your Resilience

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What drew you to the idea of writing your initial book? How does The Modern Loss Handbook expand on the ideas explored therein? So much loss at such a relatively young age un-tethered Rebecca. There were husbands yet to meet, puppies yet to adopt, and so many other miles yet to stone—but all of it would have to be done without her own parents’ guidance, along with dealing with the logistical aftermath of each of their deaths. Dear reader, it was bad. I can’t imagine.” Families and individuals who have lost children, siblings, partners, and friends hear it all the time, this confession of an inability to imagine the worst, the unspeakable, the most feared event. I understand why people offer the phrase—as an earnest gesture of solace or a filler in lieu of anything else—but it rarely brings comfort. More often, the recipients are left feeling even more isolated at a time when grief has already banished them to a cold, dark place. No one wants this book but I do recommend it as a professional for other therapists and anyone helping another heal as an incredible resource

This is honestly the first book related to loss/grief that I’ve ever found helpful. Rebecca Soffer’s approach is relatable. It’s gracious and sometimes it’s even entertaining. It’s very obvious from the beginning and throughout the book that this was developed by someone who has dealt with loss. There is a lot that I appreciate about this book and some highlights include:I’m very culturally Jewish, and I’m very active in the Jewish community, both professionally and personally. My parents always tried to stress the importance of tikkun olam in different ways, and for my mom it was definitely through a feminist lens. She always took me to NARAL meetings, marches, and the League of Women Voters’ events. She always tried to express the urgency of alleviating the struggles of other women, even in some tiny way, even if the issue didn’t impact me directly. This work is grounded in my upbringing. If I can contribute to making somebody feel even a little bit less lonely, within what is an inherently lonely experience, that’s my tikkun olam. Grief over the loss of our daily lives, our perceived futures, the roles we could no longer easily access and the additional roles we didn’t anticipate taking on, the terrifying news cycles, the coping mechanisms and go-to rituals that now seemed out of reach. And, of course, grief over the deaths of our people, both during the pandemic and resurfaced from older losses. As we struggle to emerge from the first global pandemic since 1918 – one that has killed nearly one million Americans and launched a grief pandemic that will surely be felt for generations – now is the time to give people more time to grieve, not less. Now is the time for us to forge communities of support and profound connection. Now is the time to let go of the cultural message to “overcome” an emotional experience that impacts body, mind, and spirit and come together instead. Two years ago, in the first months of this seemingly interminable pandemic, I found myself holed up in my guest room/office/silent primal scream hideaway with little else to do than be in my own head over all the grief that seemed to be overflowing from all parts of society.

Both of my witnesses were gone," Soffer, a mother of two who splits her time between New York and Massachusetts, told TODAY Parents. "I didn’t really have anyone to look to." This pandemic is not going anywhere ; there will surely be milestones beyond the million-death mark. And the “grief pandemic” will far outlast the public-health emergency. Researchers last year found that for every COVID-19 death, there are nine people who are directly affected—the “bereavement multiplier,” they call it. If you have a performative role, like being a professor, maybe you could switch into a more administrative role for a period of time,” Soffer says. “That way you won’t feel so exposed.”Jennifer Richleris a freelance journalist living in Bloomington, Indiana. She writes about a range of topics, from grief and loss to Israeli culture to autism. You can find her at jrichler.wix.com/jrichler. Our belief is that grief is far too nuanced, textured, and dynamic to fit into a DSM diagnosis. To refer to this universal experience as pathological is unfortunate and implies that there is a “wrong” way to grieve. If the measure of our grief reflects the depth of our love or connection, then it is inaccurate and offensive to prescribe a time limit, whether enforced or implied. This book offers direct, practical, and funny advice on how you can live a life without your special person. The author talks about how to honor their memory, deal with triggers, and manage your career and relationships. The author shares everything she learned from her own experience with grief and from the experts she worked with across the spectrum of wellness and therapy, mental health, suffering, the arc of loss, and the incredible members of the Modern Loss community. The handbook also includes prompts, projects, exercises, and different ways that will help people deal with loss on their own timeline and without judgment.